For a “rocker” who allegedly worships at the cliched but eternally gilded Jack-and-syringe altar of Lemmy and Keef, Dave Grohl sure can’t hold his alcohol, can he? No matter how many thousands of VH1 Behind The Music-style rawk docs this token industry plant flashes the devil horns and flips his hair through, espousing the virtues of good old fashioned ’70s style rich rock star decadence, the fact remains that dude can’t even get through a Bud Light without making a complete and utter fool of himself.

Fortunately for those of us who have spent what seems like decades watching in horror as this complete and utter poseur (the “P” word is used far too often, we know, but Dave Grohl is the literal definition of the descriptor) has been elevated to “icon status” by a music industry thirsty for rock bros of the harmless and likable variety, minus all that pesky complicated edginess and bloody-minded artistic purity, this time he has proven what a cardboard cutout Lemmy impostor he is in front of thousands of people. AND ON VIDEO NO LESS.

Already Grohl’s PR goons are working full time to try to spin this into some sort of “Bro this is the SPIRIT OF ROCK N ROLL” type scenario, and of course all the bought-and-paid-for industry blogs are buying this hook line and sinker, but discerning viewers will know what time it is. You can’t fool the kids, after all, and we at Niche Appeal are incredibly giddy at the fact that this full time clout chaser is finally being exposed.

Here are the key points to take home from this hilarious video:

  1. It looks like he’s in a ‘70s era high school auditorium doing a talent show gig. THIS IS YOUR IDOL, MODERN ROCK RADIO.
  2. ,Check out the way that planted audience member *thrusts* the Bud Light at him. Classic.  How long was that guy standing there with an open can of beer?  Did Grohl pay him?  Or did he just volunteer to stand there for the whole show?
  3. He thinks he’s sooooo cool and rawk grabbing that beer, doesn’t he? It’s as if he’s already calculating the video clicks in his mind, tallying up the “Grohl Does Another Edgy But Harmless Thing” headlines, wondering how many Spotify streams of “Hero” or whatever bland modern rock Pro Tools song will come from this.
  4. The fool spills it all over his speaker with that attempt at no-hands drinking. A junior high kid could best him here. This is the new Lemmy, huh? And has Keef seen this? Perhaps he’ll start drinking again just to show this clone how it’s done.
  5. That backward tumble is just GOLD
  6. The best vocal of Grohl’s career is whatever sound came out of his face as he started tumbling off that three foot high stage.

So for those who can see through the mainstream music press spin, we hoist a Bud Light to you as we all revel in this Emperor Has No Clothes moment. What a way to start the year! And here is to hoping Budweiser issues a statement today along the lines of “Budweiser has always supported real rockers and in no way condones Dave Grohl’s inability to to properly chug our product, plus those tattoos are awful. Isn’t this guy rich enough to get those removed? Yours truly, Budweiser.”

The curtain has been pulled back. The wizard is nothing more than a machine. No amount of pricey press spin will dilute the full myth-shattering force of this video. This is basically our generation’s Zapruder Film.  Oliver Stone will make a feature film about this video.

“Back and on his face.  Back and on his face.”

Selah

 

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